the anatomy of a piece of shit message

11 Apr

In a previous post we dissected a well-written online message. This week I bring you the failures. Messages are bolded, my comments follow.  – J

Message 1: “hi”
Really? Really.

Message 2:  “Would like to chit chat with you over a cup of coffee if you are interested”

First, “chit chat” – you don’t know me. Don’t use that kind of stupid language.
Second, this isn’t even a complete sentence. WHO would like to chit chat with me?
Third, I feel like he copy-pasted this in a lot of messages. Be original and thoughtful, gents.

Message 3:
hi there 🙂
how’s your day going? have you had much luck on this site? well, so far you seem like a pretty cool and a decent person 🙂 i hope you’re having a nice day and to hear back from you sometime.

ciao for now….

“Well, so far you seem like a pretty cool and decent person”  umm… so far? I haven’t said anything. “ciao for now….” No – ciao forever. Bitch.

Here’s the takeaway:
1. Complete sentences. Please. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.
2. Until quirky-ness and personality are assessed don’t use words like “chit chat” and “ciao.”
3.  I’m just going to make a ruling on this, the word “seems” isn’t a good word to use when referring to someone. The weather “seems,” the local sports team “seems,” someone you want to date IS not “seems.” I’m serious about this one and I’m sure I’m right.
4. Don’t copy-paste messages to people. They’re always distant.


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