Jeremy is a Buddhist and he doesn’t believe in gods or dieties. I know this because he told me four times, “I don’t belive in any gods or dieties.”
Great, Jeremy. I wear a size 6.5 shoe. WHO CARES?! I don’t care that you’re a Buddhist – you think that makes you cooler? Eff. I should have taken this as a sign that this was going nowhere, fast.
Before meeting, we G-chatted and spoke on the phone a couple of times. Online, he was quirky and funny. On the phone, he was not. What I took for quirky and funny was really just weird. He would call me and “talk” for 2 minutes (really) and then get off the phone. Then he would text me and say,
“Call me tonight. I want to talk like we’re in high school”
RED FLAG! RED FLAG! RED FLAG!
What does that even mean? When I was in high school, I talked to my boyfriend, the star basketball player, until four in the am. Four. Most of that four hours was spent arguing over who loved the other more. I don’t want to go back to that. Plus, being in my late twenties, there’s something just weird about that sentence. “Like we were in high school…” :::shiver::: Gross, right?
So, somewhere between 2 minutes and four hours is our go-zone. But it never happened. After speaking for a month, our schedules finally aligned and we were able to meet in person for our first date.
We decided to meet at a coffee house – because Jeremy doesn’t drink alcohol (red flag? me thinks, yes.) because he’s a Buddhist and doesn’t believe in gods or dieties. I get to the coffee house, see Jeremy, go over to his table, sit down, and start the usual first date talk. I wait for him to chime in with comments, questions, ideas, stories, jokes, FUCKING ANYTHING. But he doesn’t say a god. damn. word.
After what seems like an eternity, I suggest we go to the local bookstore. This way, we can still be “on a date” but I don’t have to be anywhere near him or have to talk to him, since I’m the only one EFFING saying anything. And also, being in a bookstore provides things to talk about…books, magazines, movies…. just lots and lots of stuff. I learned that he doesn’t like clutter (decorating books) and then he made fun of me for liking graphic novels. WINNING!
As we’re leaving the bookstore we pass a falafel place and I tell him that I have an obsession with chickpeas and I must go in. I do have an obsession with chickpeas and I do love falafel, but I decided to have lunch by myself, at this falafel place, because I DIDN’T WANT TO BE AROUND HIM ANYMORE.
The next day (the falafel was delicious, btw), he G-chats me:
Jeremy: Did you feel a connection with me? I hope I did not bore you.
What I thought: A connection? No, no Jeremy you douche bag, I didn’t feel a muthafucking connection with you because you didn’t say anything. And yes, I was bored. You’re BOOOOOOORING.
What I said: Honestly, I don’t feel a connection with you. I don’t feel like you were very interested in me at all.
Jeremy: I was. I am just shy when I first meet someone and there is not a context. For example, if we were at the dog park we would have something to talk about.
What I thought: A context? It’s a first date. Get to know me. We went to a bookstore- talk about one of the 50,000,000 titles around us. Oh, and good example. Tool.
Jeremy: I am just not sure what to talk about with people I have only e-mailed and talked on the phone a few times.
What I thought: Miraculously, Jeremy, the rest of world has figured it out.
What I said: It’s the same situation for me. Only, I asked you questions about you. Tried to get to know you.
Jeremy: Let’s see what’s your favorite color?
What I thought: I’ll cut you.
Needless to say, I never spoke to him again.
The takeaway here:
1. Talk. Just talk.