Let’s just get that out of the way.
But the women I know, my best friends and family are probably some of the most unselfish women I’ve ever known. They are all beautifully giving and I think that’s really important in a relationship – to be giving, flexible, compromising.
So when I hear about my best gals having to navigate a relationship with a selfish man, I’m disappointed. I’m disappointed that such a wonderful woman has to deal with such a ridiculous man. I’m disappointed that men still behave this way.
A close girlfriend of mine and Gretchen’s has lately been dealing with a selfish man. From what I can tell, whatever they do has to be on his terms, in line with his schedule, no compromising. Never mind that my friend will turn her world upside down to see him, to be with him if only for a moment. She’ll rearrange her schedule to accommodate his whims.
Will he do the same for her? No.
He will not rearrange his schedule to see her. He will not accommodate her whimsy. A spur-of-the-moment romantic gesture or event is unwelcome by a selfish man. My friend is left spurned and sad. Wilted.
The thing about this selfish man is that his selfishness is not malicious. It’s not mean or to spite my friend. He is literally clueless. He doesn’t know that his behavior is selfish. His life has only ever been about him and this is his way. It’s almost as if he speaks another language.
And this language of compromise is foreign to him. Her actions do not translate to unselfish and caring acts, but just actions. Just things she does. Because, she does.
This is why I say a selfish man cannot be helped. He does not understand what a selfless woman does for him. His expression is blank. He tilts his head. He blinks.
A selfish man can’t be helped because he doesn’t know he is selfish. The word doesn’t exist to him. And you can’t explain something that someone can’t even imagine.