why selfish men can’t be helped

30 May

There are lots of selfish women in the world.

Let’s just get that out of the way.

But the women I know, my best friends and family are probably some of the most unselfish women I’ve ever known. They are all beautifully giving and I think that’s really important in a relationship – to be giving, flexible, compromising.

So when I hear about my best gals having to navigate a relationship with a selfish man, I’m disappointed. I’m disappointed that such a wonderful woman has to deal with such a ridiculous man. I’m disappointed that men still behave this way.

A close girlfriend of mine and Gretchen’s has lately been dealing with a selfish man. From what I can tell, whatever they do has to be on his terms, in line with his schedule, no compromising. Never mind that my friend will turn her world upside down to see him, to be with him if only for a moment. She’ll rearrange her schedule to accommodate his whims.

Will he do the same for her? No.

He will not rearrange his schedule to see her. He will not accommodate her whimsy. A spur-of-the-moment romantic gesture or event is unwelcome by a selfish man. My friend is left spurned and sad. Wilted.

The thing about this selfish man is that his selfishness is not malicious. It’s not mean or to spite my friend. He is literally clueless. He doesn’t know that his behavior is selfish. His life has only ever been about him and this is his way. It’s almost as if he speaks another language.

And this language of compromise is foreign to him. Her actions do not translate to unselfish and caring acts, but just actions. Just things she does. Because, she does.

This is why I say a selfish man cannot be helped. He does not understand what a selfless woman does for him. His expression is blank. He tilts his head. He blinks.

A selfish man can’t be helped because he doesn’t know he is selfish. The word doesn’t exist to him. And you can’t explain something that someone can’t even imagine.

Jane

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8 Responses to “why selfish men can’t be helped”

  1. Thao Vien January 7, 2013 at 2:18 am #

    It’s easy to be a selfish man, right dear DateJane? That would be surprised to find out some similar view-points about “The Selfish Men” from your entry! Here is my entry to share with you: http://theladydiary.wordpress.com/2013/01/07/easy-to-be-selfish

    ;

  2. My Name June 16, 2011 at 5:01 am #

    Probably the most self absorbed collection of posts I’ve ever read in one location and yet the author complains about selfish men as a type without any hint of irony. Jane you most certainly fit a type yourself. However if someone took the time to explain that type to you, they would most likely be met with a tilted head and blinks. Or a snarky one liner. I know, I know, I started the previous sentence with a conjunction. BTW, I truly don’t believe you are mean or spiteful either, it’s simply that you speak a different language. Half full – you’ll always have sex and the city…your degree…and Gretchen. OMG I almost forgot…your BLOG!

    Then again, maybe you’ll grow out of it in your thirties.

    Almost forgot, the take away here: don’t read this and feel bad about yourself, just start trying to feel better about others.

    • Mandy August 17, 2011 at 9:06 pm #

      I love this blog because the girls write it as if it’s their diary. Forgive Jane for being “selfish” if the star of her own diary is herself.

  3. The T May 30, 2011 at 6:56 am #

    Jane… you incredible girl… you should know some of us are simply trying to gather what we must to live life fully…we are all selfish…your wants and desires are a part of who we are when we love you…and why do we love you? When you give so much that we feel we MUST give back..we know we have fallen on our own sword…we must give you our hearts…our feelings… sometimes we even surrender to you… sometimes…

    T.

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